Finding out your friend is cheating
If you found out your close friend is cheating on her husband or his wife, boyfriend or girlfriend will you call their attention or even tell their spouse or beau?
That is a hard question to answer, especially when your friend is right there in your face, watching you with big wide, pleading eyes, begging you to color the truth a bit.
I was faced with this question way back in college and really being young (?), naive, immature and fiercely loyal, I would always look the other way. Not only that, I would even help make excuses or become the excuse for my friends. I recall then that I felt a bit bad but that feeling was quickly overcome by my blind loyalty to the friends I call my friends for life. I also recall one nasty incident with an ex-girlfriend of my best friend – it was such a painful experience for her that I was actually the one who got traumatized.
That was then. As you get older and most of your friends get married, do you stay naive, immature and blindly loyal as you witness the same activities you did before? You stop breathing and swallow hard, hoping that as you let out your next breathe, the answer will come. Hard isn’t it?
Personally, with years of pain, life and experience behind me, I feel I am more sensitive to the lives and pains of people I come in contact with. With a husband and two kids, I am more sensitive to the karma that may come back to me or them (I hope to me). There are more people involved in my life and the stakes are higher. And the higher the stakes, the decision is more difficult to make.
Do you meddle? Do you intrude? You probe though, encouraging them to open up to you. Maybe the more you know, the better you can be of help. But is that enough? Or do you corner them? Force them to admit? Then call them their attention for their indiscretion. Most people I know shy away from the confrontation, preferring to not get involved. And maybe you shouldn’t. But are you not their friend? Hard isn’t it?
What do you do?
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No doubt this is a tough position to be in. The way I see it is if they put me in that position once, shame on them, but we move on with life. If they continue to put me in that position, shame one me, for continuing to be friends with someone and covering for someone that does not share the same morals as I do. We all make mistakes, nobody is perfect, but they are no longer mistakes when they keep happening. I know it is easier said then done. I’m not saying I would rat anyone out, at the same time I wouldn’t be comfortable being friends with someone that thinks it is OK to cheat on their spouse. Just my thoughts.
Jim
Jim – That totally makes sense. And its probably why its really difficult to maintain the same level of friendship with them.
I tell my friend to knock it off and work out any problems he/she may have with their spouse because I am uncomfortable with the situation I am in.
If my friend ignores my advice, I move on to a much more moral and caring friend.
Bobby – You say move on like it was easy to just go and build a friendship with someone else. But I do know what you mean. When people we love go against what we believe then it becomes our conflict.
Hi ApplesH,
You are right, I tried to keep my comment short to give the general idea, which does seem like a quick matter-of-fact type thing. It’s not easy at all because we care about our friends a great deal.
Unfortunately, this situation did happen to me and I told my friend to deal with it and leave me out of it. A friend would have. I ended up having to defend myself because my name got mentioned and I became at odds with others friends over that. It all got cleared up, so I regained a sigh of relief.
Problem was that my friend did it AGAIN! This time I cut all string with him because he had no respect for our friendship and almost got me involved in something that was not my business to be involved in.
True, it wasn’t all that easy to move on, but it was well worth it for me.
I hope I explained a little better AppleH, I should have said this originally.
Cheers!