Our family is moving to a new place in a few months and I have been busy trying to make sure that everything that we have and enjoy now will still be available to us in our new place. This will be a significant step for us because we are sort of leaving our comfort zone.

We have been living in the middle of the city for years now and we have gotten used to all the convenience that brings. There is the 24-hour availability of public transportation, 5 minutes from Makati CBD, 5 minutes from Ortigas CBD, a stone’s throw away from shopping malls, the MRT, and a local wet market.  My son is also in the middle of his kindergarten year at his preschool. That means, I would have to transfer him to a new school that is near our new place - assuming the schools there accept transferees.

Because finding a school for my kid is top priority, I set out to search for schools and preschools near and around our new neighborhood. Do you know how hard it is to find the perfect school for your child?! THIS hard! I searched the net, googled a lot, get references from friends, telephone numbers from colleagues and basically read, re-read and practically embedded each school’s info in my mind hoping that will help me decide where to transfer my kid to.

I thought back to my requirements for selecting a school for my child and it really gave me very few options to choose from. From my recent experience I have actually added some more requirements to my already long list especially since I have to consider that my child will soon be in grade school.

My additional requirements are:

• The school should have a history of graduates getting accepted into very good high schools or colleges. Wouldn’t that be a big factor to you as well?
• The school should have extracurricular programs like sports, community building, arts and crafts. I believe that children should be allowed to hone their abilities in other areas outside of the traditional schoolwork. It also makes going to school fun and encourages children to keep going to school.
• The school should have a school transportation service or at least have a list of recommended service providers.
• Lastly, the school should be non-sectarian. This is the most challenging requirement I have had to fulfill. Most schools that offer most of the things on my list also required you to belong to a certain faith or religion. Of course I get it why they would have all these requirements, I am just frustrated that there aren’t as many non-sectarian schools out there.

Whew! I have got two months to get my kids all settled and comfortable in a new environment. I am hopeful that this move, though monumental, will be a good one.

Have you seen the new (or so I am assuming) commercial for Dunkin Donuts? I swear I had to do immediately gather my two kids and tell them that what they had just seen was not to be copied. Both of them were laughing at first but after seeing my serious expression, they turned somber and said “Yes, mommy”. We saw it shown on Star World today. 

The commercial starts with this young girl (about 8 - I think) with her head inside the refrigerator screaming at the top of her lungs “Nasaan ang Boston Creme Ko!!??!!!” (”Where is my Boston Creme?!!??!!”). She called to her older sister who was on the phone and screamed at her the same line. She called to her older brother who was on the couch and screamed the same line. She then moved to close the refrigerator door and saw her mom eating the donut. She screamed at her mom the same line. And it ended like that.

I mean really. It might appear funny but to impressionable minds, it is dangerous. I can imagine my kids emulating such behavior. I quickly told them that the behavior they had just seen was not the right behavior. I also explained that it was not right to scream or shout at someone who was older than they are. I asked them if they think it was right to scream at your mommy and they both shook their heads.

Sheesh… what kind of material are advertisers coming up with these days??!? Really!

Are we allowed to get mad at our parents? And if we are… are we allowed to stay mad at them? It would not be a normal household if children and their parents do not argue or fight with each other. Although many times during these so called fights subtle stabs at one’s guilt will be done. How often have you heard parents say to their kids: "I bore you for 9 months!….", "I sent you to a good school…", and from the movie Riding In Cars with Boys - "I am your mother and that means you are not allowed to stay mad at me!".

The TV series Brothers & Sisters is very meaningful to me. Perhaps its because its about family. I watch Sally Fields work at being the mother of five grown kids, challenged at keeping all of them together as each try their best to stay apart. Her unintentional attempts at manipulation, subtle pokes at her kid’s weaknesses, pulling at her child’s guilt are just some of the things you will witness. And it is no different in real life. More than once I have been cajoled into going into a family gathering even when I had other plans that are as equally important. And when the arguments start, and the silence drags on, I would always be the first to give in and feel guilty about bringing misery to my parents.

Now that I am a parent, there are some things I promised myself I would not do.

• my children will not feel that they should be grateful for 9 months (x1000) that I have borne them in my womb
• I vow to be self-sufficient and not make my children feel that they need to take care of me
• they will not be made responsible for my happiness or my life
• they will be made independent, caring and compassionate
• they will be taught to value what is important to them and not what is important to me
• whatever I do now to provide for them is my choice and they will not be made to pay for it

What do you think is the worst thing your child can do to you that would lead you to disown him forever?  With my kids being 5 and 2 respectively, I cannot imagine one thing that would make me estranged from them. If I had to base it on my own experience, I recall a neighbor who had been disowned by her parents because she got pregnant at 17. I further recall how that scared my friends and I and made us wary of getting into a similar situation for fear of being run out of house and home.

I once heard a guy colleague talk about how he wouldn’t want to have his son turn out gay. He expressed that he would deny him as a son and probably even beat him up. I told him that he shouldn’t think that way and that whatever his child turns out to be the child will always be his. He just shook his head at me.

Despite my own feelings on the subject of renouncing a gay child, I must admit, not everyone can unconditionally accept the actions of one’s child or children. And many may expect that their mom is the only person who thinks they’re beautiful, but reality can ruin that thought if the children grow to become addicts, criminals, or pregnant at 17. And even when parents react differently to a child’s religious or sexual orientation, it does not necessarily mean that parents do not love their children.

I got myself into a terrible situation when I was 27. It was terrible enough that I expected to be sent away by my parents. Thankfully they did not. I remained in their loving arms only to be let loose 3 years later (that’s another story altogether). Nevertheless, my opinion and my parents opinion of the gravity of what I had done still differs to this day. I don’t blame them. I cannot be sure they do not blame me but I just hope they are forgiving enough that it is because of this reality that life is like this today.

But that’s me. I have always had the resilience of a warrior woman so I am confident in my ability to live through this. I cannot say the same for those close to me who I love very much. It is because of what I have gone through that I feel bad about a similar scenario happening to someone I care about. It is not fair. He has not done anything to deserve this.

I am so sorry bro. I know you will smile and shrug and say it doesn’t matter but I know the truth. No worries though, I will be there for you like you have been there for me and my family through all these years. I cannot change the thoughts or decisions that have already been made nor protect you from the events that have yet to unfold as you push through with what your heart desires. I can only say I love you and you will live through every single day being happy for yourself and for your family.

Life is never easy or even simple. But who ever said life can never be happy. Congratulations bro.

I don’t like eating at Jollibee. I am a McDonalds or Wendy’s fan and always prefer these establishments when craving for oily, fattening and unhealthy fast food. The few times you would see me at Jollibee, it was probably because of one of these: there was nothing else but Jollibee where I was; I must have been dying of hunger; my kids are crying their eyes out for Jollibee; I was forced at gunpoint to eat there (not literally).

It is the same with my kids. I tried to train them to patronize McDonalds or Wendy’s instead. But in a country where Jollibee is located at every corner, it is really difficult to avoid the red and yellow bee. Add the fact that many of their cousin’s and playmate’s birthday parties are held at Jollibee so it was inevitable. My kids became acquainted with Jollibee and although I doubt that they can tell the difference in taste, the clamor for Jollibee has increased in our household. In fact, my youngest son’s first word was ja-yi-bi. Of course I am exaggerating but it was one of the words he was able to utter first.

“Mommy, punta tayo Jollibee (Mommy, lets go to Jollibee)”

So now I wonder, what does the bee have that makes it so appealing to many kids (and kids at heart)? Is it the taste? Hardly. Is it the mascot? I am not sure. What do you think?

I don’t believe that parenting is something that you learn by going to a school that teaches you how to do it. After all, who would be our teachers? I am not sure anyone can say they are the ultimate expert in parenting to qualify as a teacher of the subject. Its not like its Math or English where no matter how much the earth moves 1 + 1 will always be 2 and nouns will always be different from pronouns. In life, one’s parenting method may not necessarily work for one or even all.

I think you acquire your parenting skills from mostly your upbringing, your environment, maybe genes (?). Looking at my 5-year old son, I try to recall if I ever did anything special with regards to molding him as a person. Nothing comes to mind. I can truly say I really wasn’t overly conscious about thinking whether any of my words or actions would impact his growth. If I would be like that, everything I do would be on slow-motion. Imagine if every time I would hug him I would be thinking whether I was being too smothering; if I let him play outside versus playing computer games inside the house I would be thinking whether I will be delaying his computer literacy; if I bought him books vs. toy trains would I be stirring up feelings of resentment; if I enroll him in an all-boys school instead of a co-ed one, would I be putting a stamp on his faith?

Often, I would hope and pray that my kids at least turn out better and wiser than I am. I am not an angel. I have made more mistakes than I wish I did but those made me into who I am now. But I would wish a better, easier life for my kids than I have had myself (don’t we all?).

So how do we ensure that our kids grow up to be good persons? How do you?