Mother of 2

Photo courtesy of julianol

I am surrounded by friends who are mostly challenged with conceiving children. But not me. We always joke about how extremely fertile I am that just by mere holding hands with my husband, I would likely get pregnant. I truly am fortunate to have a very welcoming uterus that has brought me two wonderful sons that surely trying for another baby will be a cinch.

Boy was I wrong. I am no longer in my twenties, I know. But I never thought that “trying” to conceive would become a chore. Thinking back, I don’t recall ever thinking too hard about making a baby. It really takes the romance out of lovemaking and totally ruins it. Now I understand how stressful it is for my friends. We have only been at it for a couple of months and its already having a depressing effect on me.

I don’t want to be counting days, marking my calendar, watching for signs, taking temperature, and saying let’s go, let’s not. I am longing for those good old days when the best way to make a baby was to relax and lovingly enjoy each other or maybe exhaust each other in a night of passionate lovemaking (oh yeah that came out straight of a Mills and Boon paperback). But we do want another child. And until it becomes too risky for me, we keep trying. Right sweetie? C’mon love, its time to go.

When I was young, I always knew in my heart that I wanted a large family. In fact, I always chanted out loud that I wanted to have 5 boys and 1 girl for my children. Sort of creating a basketball team with my kids with a cheerleader to boot. Its funny how one’s young mind can exaggerate dreams.

I now have two lovely boys. I am happy and have realized how impractical it is to raise a large family especially with such hard times. And at my age, I don’t think it is even possible to give birth to 4 more kids unless I conceive quadruplets as in right now.

There is nothing worse than getting some not so good news to burst that happy bubble. A few weeks ago, my doctor told me that if I wanted another kid, I should start thinking about having one soon as I basically had about one more year before things got too risky for me to think about getting pregnant. My first reaction was “Really?”, in a tone of disbelief coupled with distrust at a professional’s diagnosis. Then I settled with “Why?”. She said if I push with having a baby 2 years from now it will really push my blood pressure through the roof and she doubts it will be a good thing.

I didn’t really tell anyone as I was still trying to absorb all the news. I finally had the courage to tell my husband in an offhand conversation while we were buying Christmas gifts for the kids. I guess I chose that moment so that I would be forced to keep a straight face while I delivered the news for fear of embarrassing myself in front of a floor filled with people. Truthfully, I probably just didn’t realize how much the news affected me until I actually told my husband about it.

After all that, we have now decided to beat the clock and try to conceive once more before some white-coated person tells me I can no longer have a child.

Sometimes it takes a major push for one to make decisions about their lives. We have made a huge decision today but we are hopeful that the future will continue to bring great things. The kids are growing up fast and the time is right for a baby in the house. One more time. One last time.

Some time ago, I was with my kids as I went to get myself checked at a clinic due to my cough. After my checkup, I had to buy the meds that the doctor prescribed and had no choice but to bring my eldest son with me as I went inside Watson’s Pharmacy to purchase them.

You know how Pharmacy’s here have a lot of displays on their cashier counters? They would have anything and everything displayed near the cashier especially batteries, hand sanitizers, mints and gums, lip balms, and in Watson’s case, tons and tons of condoms of different brands.

As I was paying for my medicine, my kid looked at the display of products in front of him. And what do you know, he zoomed in on those small colorful boxes of frenzy condoms and asked in his normally loud voice – “Mommy, can you buy me frenzy?”. My jaw dropped and I immediately looked sheepishly at the one next in line, who happened to be a male by the way. I was sweaty and flushed and was tapping my foot impatiently as the lady behind the counter appeared to be taking too long in ringing up my purchase. Too long in fact that my son turned his attention from frenzy to trust. He even called out “Trust. Trust.” several times to my embarrassment. I told him, those were not candies and those were meant for daddies and not kids. He insisted for about one hundred times before giving in and it was only because the cashier had finished up with my purchase. I left Watsons in a hurry and sincerely wishing that would never happen again.

Now that my son is six years old, he is more and more curious about what things are and why things are what they are and most of the time I am unprepared for the questions that pop out of his mouth. Sometimes I feel like were on a stand up comedy show except my son is serious about his questions and I feel like a fool stumbling on my answers to them. Kids!

I vaguely remember that when I was small I believed in Santa Claus. Then the memory disappears and is replaced by the reality that there is none. And then I got amused at all my friends who still did. My parents did not even teach us about Santa Claus except tell us the story about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. They never made us write notes about our wish list and leave cookies and milk by the Christmas tree.

Photo courtesy of Rosana Prada

That is why I brought up my own kids without Santa Claus. Oh yes they see him in decorations, malls, and know him enough to call out “Santa Claus” when they see his picture or image. But they don’t know what his story is or how it is told. That many kids around the world believe that if you have been nice then you will get what you wished for come Christmas time. The he travels the world from the North Pole, visiting all the children and going down chimneys to deliver presents to those who have been good all year round.

I don’t think I am depriving my kids of anything. At least not in the way I have heard some people say about parents who tell their kids early on the truth about Santa. Kids these days are so smart do you really believe we can fool them into thinking reindeers fly and Santa can fit into the opening of the smallest chimney just to deliver presents? I am pretty sure the first question that I will be asked is – “Mommy, what will Santa use to go into our house if we don’t have a chimney?” or maybe “Do the reindeers go down the chimney too?” or even “How old is Santa anyway"?”.

My kids have grown up (and will continue to grow up) telling us what they want for Christmas instead of whispering them to some old guy wearing a red suit as they sit on their laps. To them he will only be a representation of Christmas, similar to the Christmas tree or gifts or decorations or lights or Jingle Bells. And that is how I want them to be.

Do you believe in Santa Claus?