I am part of the organization of working mom’s at our office and many times I would receive how-to’s, where-to’s, and invites to parenting talks and seminars. A few days back a fellow mom forwarded an article she wrote about her daughter which was published in the office newsletter. I asked permission from her and here I am sharing it with you.

THE FIVE-PESO COIN by Judilyn Lorenzo
The guilty feeling of a working mother requires tremendous patience or, should I say, tolerance to a strong-willed kid. In most situations, leniency compensates for the time that mothers should spend with their children but cannot. Most working moms try to be extra-patient, extra-sweet, and extra-caring when they are with their children. For them, spending at least 48 hours a week with their children should be precious and worthwhile. And, sometimes, the child’s annoying behavior disrupts a mother’s character because of this “working-mom guilt”. But not this time.

One Saturday morning, my 3-year old daughter eagerly asked me for 20 pesos. I wondered why so I asked her for the reason. She said that she would want to buy a hair-coloring cream so she could be like Sabina (of Majika; she’s a fanatic of this show). Of course, I refused; I didn’t like the way she asked money from me. Besides, the idea of hair-coloring, not to mention the cost, was, I think, not right for her age. When I said “no”, as expected, she insisted and cried. She kept on crying (for about 15 minutes I guess), but I was firm with my decision.

I was already irritated but then, the heart of a guilty mother reigned in me; I thought that I should give her happy moments if and when we’re together. Well, with a concerned but displeased heart, I didn’t give her the 20 pesos she wanted but instead gave her a 5-peso coin (which, I thought, was the right amount for her age). Of course, she did not accept the 5-peso coin. She defended that she will buy hair-coloring and 5 pesos was not enough. I was really pissed off but I have to show her that I still care and still love her despite of my absences and shortcomings. I was also sad and disappointed at that very moment. I asked myself if this is the price I have to pay for being away from her most of the time. I felt that I was accountable for her behaving like that. It’s my duty to guide her all the time. (God knows I don’t like this if only I have a choice, but I have to work!). With a gloomy feeling, I got a 20-peso bill from my wallet and, with the 5-peso coin on one hand, I told her, “Okay, if you love and miss Mommy, you will get the 5-peso coin. But, if not and if you really want your hair to be colored, get the 20-peso bill.”

Silence. No words came out from her. I could see confusion in her eyes. I didn’t know what came to my mind at that moment, putting my daughter under pressure and asking her to compromise. I didn’t want to put her in that position all confused. I only meant to find out how significant I was to her. I knew I could get hurt with her response; it will just justify my lapses and shortcomings to her as a mother.

Her stubborn look disappeared and was replaced by one of submission. With tears in her eyes, she slowly took the 5-peso coin on my right hand. I saw in her face how sorry she was. With conviction, I embraced her. And she embraced me too. I was teary-eyed when I released her. I know my imperfections but God! My 3-year old daughter still loves and respects me even though I am not with her most of the time. And, for an “absentee” mother, that’s truly a blessing. For that, I am so thankful that I am still the mother I thought I was not.

To my delight, I gave her the 20-peso bill instead of the 5-peso coin. After all, Sabina is a good character and I don’t mind if she imitates her. Now, you will see my daughter with her hair colored and it looks beautiful on her. I am even considering doing it for myself. Hmmmm.

I only now realize that no matter how tired we are from working, it is even more tiring to know that we are just “half-mothers” to our children. But I am grateful though for I am still my daughter’s Mommy.

I was touched by her story being a half-mother myself. In today’s world, it isnt uncommon for mothers to hold full time careers which carry full time responsibilities.. or more. The age where mothers stay at home to just take care of the house, the husband and the kids is starting to become just a page in history. The downside to that though is that you spend less time with your kids.

I wish I could be a full time mom. However, I have two kids and with the comfortable life I hope for them, and the increasing cost of living, I have to earn my share of the household income.

When I had my eldest, I was very much afraid that the little time I spent with him (because of work) was somehow going to majorly affect how he grows up. Then I recall that both my parents were working and I turned out fine. WIth this in mind, I just did my best with him.

Now he is 4 years old. Aside from a phase where he clung to his yaya and ran away from me, now I am happy to say that he loves me and needs me and recognizes me. My mom said that no matter what happens, your kids will remember their mother’s smell. My mom was right!

Its an ongoing struggle to be a working mom. The conflicts, the pains, the compromises, the struggles do not come once, or twice or even several times. Working moms experience all these every second of the day that they spend apart from their kids. I should know - I go through my conflicts everyday.

Here’s to all working moms!