I am a martyr

November 1, 2007 | Filed in: Marriage

Someone recently called me a martyr.

Officially, a martyr is someone who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle. If you really think about it that sounds kind of positive.

But how come here in our country, being tagged as a martyr is not a very good thing? Oftentimes we identify martyr-s to be wives who stayed with their husbands despite being beaten, or children who stay home to take care of sick parents, or boyfriends who wait 3 hours for their always tardy girlfriends. I am not exactly sure how this thinking evolved but I feel it is only here that people think this way.

So when I was called this, my initial reaction was denial. I am not a martyr! Instantly, reasons and excuses came to mind and I started picking out the best defense statement to make… as if being called a martyr was synonymous to getting the plague.

Then I stopped myself. Wait! Should I really be defensive?

They told me it was because I don’t ask questions. I don’t probe. I am not interested in a persons past. And yes, I don’t. I have this insane notion that people will always be truthful to me. That they will tell me if something needs to be told. And if they were not truthful or if they were intentionally hiding something, I would be able to tell. People criticize me because of it. My family is frustrated with me because of it. But I really don’t care most of the time about a person’s past. If it does not affect me today, I do not see why I have to care. Admittedly, I have gotten into trouble many times as a result. But even then, I maintain how I choose to live my life.

All I want to do is be myself, love my family, protect them with all I have. If in doing all that I experience pain and end up having to make considerable sacrifices then so be it. Is that so wrong?

8 Comments so far

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We all have differences in our perspectives. How you live your life may not be how others live theirs but that doesn’t mean they have to dictate what they see as “wrong”. People may be well-meaning in their purpose in doing and saying that but at the end of the day, we are still in charge. Hope you would be able to go through this stuff better and stronger, not to prove others wrong but to prove to yourself that you can make it through, no matter what.

nah, ur martyr by choice not by guilt. you’re fine, besides, you’re not really a “martyr”, martyrs are dead. compassion and love is different from doing something against your being because of guilt or sense of obligation.

Julie - All of us try to live our live the way we believe is right for us. Sometimes though, people close to you hit you where it hurts and though you try, it still has an effect on you. Thankfully, I know myself and my family and I know how much I love and am loved.

issai - I have the same view on martyrs - that they die for their causes. I am still very much alive so I really do not believe I fall in that category.

how i wish that good intentions and a trusting nature would be enough to draw the decency in some people. however, the sad reality is, not everyone who comes into our lives have the purest of intentions. at times even, some people we invest a lot of of our time and emotions on are the very same people who have only their self interests in mind and will cheat and lie to further these.

if, in the past, you have already been burned by trusting too much and not asking any questions .. perhaps you should learn from these experiences? i understand that mothers do make a lot of sacrifices for their family, that you choose how to live your life .. but perhaps we could be wise about our choices as well? i understand that it is your choice to trust and not care about someone’s past. but what if other people are involved? other people who may be very hurt if you choose to ignore their existence and potential to get hurt? possibly a question or two, just to validate or ease some fears, would be justified?

[...] as I read the last chapters. I totally felt for Eliana and her son… and of course Ross. The romantic in me imagined myself in Eliana’s shoes. I hated the fact that there exists such double standards [...]

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