Feeding my children’s fears

May 4, 2008 | Filed in: Parenting

Ok! I confess… I have a lot of weird and unnecessary fears and phobia. One major fear I have since I was a kid is my fear of the dark. I remember how I used to pester my sisters and older brother by passing on to them chores my mom asked me to do if it meant I would have to go into a dark room or to the back of the house where there is no light. I was my siblings pain in the *tt because I often woke them up in the middle of the night to accompany me to the bathroom when I feel like peeing. Just between us… my husband now feels the same way. Hehe.

Through the years, I picked up several more fears. Fear of slimy slithery animals, fear (or is it dislike) of dogs, fear of crowds, fear of strange men… among others. In many instances my reaction to certain animals, people, movies and sounds are witnessed by my kids. Most of the time I wonder if I ever had a hand in what they fear now. My eldest son is afraid of thunder that just today he kept crying until the rain and eventually the thunder stopped.

I wouldn’t want to cause such negativity in my kids upbringing. I am sure they will come out with their own fears but they do not have to get them from me. Each time I feel like cringing at the sight of our neighbors large Saint Bernard, I swallow and look away instead. Sometimes I freeze. Mostly I just stiffen up. But I am concerned more about influencing my kids than my own phobia. Besides, THAT dog will not dare eat me right?

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12 Comments so far

Bugs.

And snakes.

I have an irrational fear of both. Paralyzing sometimes.

I know my son picks up on it and has begun having the same fears.

I really have been enjoying your blog and someone tagged me the other day so now I’m tagging you!
If you want to play and share some fun trivia about yourself check out my post:
http://accidentalmommies.com/2008/05/04/tagged-blog/

Hi Kim! Thanks! I hate snakes too. Eeew.

i thought i was d only one who wakes up my hubby in d middle of d night just to help me to the bathroom, hahaha, it was a total pain for him.

marshi - Yey I’m not alone! Thanks for this revelation. At least now I can tell my hubby there’s someone else like me.

Its a pain for my hubby too but he knows enough not to argue otherwise I won’t let him sleep!

It’s funny - or ironic - growing up, I was almost fearless. As a teen, even worse. But when I turned into a mother? And realized that all could be lost in a single moment?

It quickly brought me to my senses. No more leering over the edge of Sunset Cliffs.

P.S. If you’re up for it, I’ve got a tag for you.

i used to be afraid of the dark but now no more.. but i still dont like seeing lizards, yiks! i would think our kids would know if we are afraid of something and they tend to be afraid, too. kaya minsan, i need to be tougher lalo na when i see big dogs without leash, yay

raqgold - takot ka rin pala sa dogs.. .hehe me too!

It is natural for us to pass on the fears we have to our children. At a certain point you will have to let them discover their own or else they won’t take chances–of course this does not include touching snakes.

OMG! At least you’re “aware” of your irrational fears and you are trying to control them in the presence of your children. My sister has an irrational fear of loud, sudden noises — especially BALLOONS! Anytime a toddler or child grabs a balloon at a birthday party, my sister’s face suddenly contorts in fear, her hands cover her ears and she is in a sheer state of fear and discomfort. Her anguish affects everyone until someone is compelled to take the balloon away from the kid. Or, God forbid, it pops.
Anyway, my nephew latched onto this fear. He is now a 22-year old man. It is NOT funny to see him squirm the same way now at parties. I yell at my sister now for passing this fear on to him. It’s irrational, it’s unfounded, it’s debilitating, it’s WEIRD!

mixednuts - That is actually what I want for my kids. I want them to go discover their own fears or at least come up with their own (hehe). If they have to inherit anything from me, I do not want it to be fear.

GloriaMC - Yikes! Now THAT is what I do not want to happen to my 2 boys.

I saw a documentary film about fear and phobias and there was a woman who started visiting a psychologist because she did not want to transfer her fear to her children… And it helped. So if you would like, you can go to see one specialist too. Especially if it is serious.
I know all my life how the fear and phobias are irrational and that is why I always wanted to touch everything what might be disgusting, like snakes, worms, frogs, some bugs and I’m not afraid of them, but somehow I could not get rid of fear of spiders (and some creatures with more than 4 legs). It is nothing serious, but I just do not like them and the bigger the spider is, the more I do no like it
Than I’m afraid of dark sometimes too… and of drunk people… - I have horrible nightmares with drunk people…

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