I heard the words with my own ears about three years ago. I heard it and accepted it and walked away with my head held high. I could not pretend that I did not understand as I recall I did. My eyes were wide open and so was my mind embracing the thought of being torn in two different directions. My passion then gave me strength and resolve for the past couple of years of birthdays, christmases and other special occasions. It is now that I feel my muscles aching from being pulled in all directions and there are days that I am tempted to scream - “stop pulling!”. But I can’t. Because I love my family - both of them. And because I can’t, I have to live with trotting back and forth… like someone who had unintentionally double booked.

How long can I last? Or will I ever?

It feels like one of those interviews when you are applying for a job. You were told all about the late nights, the working lunches, the client meetings and the night shift and yet you went ahead and accepted everything with a big smile and quick signature. Then later on you hear yourself complain about not having a life. You realize there is no one to blame but yourself.

Was I that hopeful that everything would work in my favor? I should have realized that I used to celebrate my birthday on friday the 13th and very little actually worked in my favor.