My desire to become a SAHM has been the strongest today (and for the past few weeks) than ever before. I guess that is why work has not been too exciting lately. Well scratch that. Work has actually been very exciting but my passion has been dulled by physical and mental stress that all the action just flew over my head. So I watch my kids instead. I watch with longing as every second spent apart while I am at the office is magnified a million times and manifested by my floating and distracted mind.

Actually work has been the savior. When I am unable to find meaning in life, I look at what I do for a living and am jolted back to reality. Oh… that’s why I live… to make sure that I give life to those who depend on me.

I have been around the world in so many different ways and met so many different people along the way. I cannot say even say that I have not lived enough or done enough because I have. I have been a child, a daughter, a friend, a lover, a traveler, a writer, a dancer, a teacher, a singer, a cook, a mother. I have touched so many lives and several others have touched mine. I have been blessed and cursed more than I could ever hope for.

But there are times like now that I ask myself - when do I stop? When do I stop and start to just focus on one thing and not a million other things all at the same time? Do I even have the right to stop? Or even wish for it to stop? Is it fair to me or to my kids to not want to be something more? Mediocrity never existed in my vocabulary but it is such a tempting thought.

I am rambling I know. I may not even make sense. But come to think of it…. who even cares?