Mother of 2

Last week, my father suffered a heart attack. He has diabetes and all the complications that come with it, but you never really think about close calls until it actually happens to you. We have always talked about preparing for the inevitable and we all (mom and us kids) agree that my dad has lived a full life. But you realize how unprepared you really are when you get a phone call in the middle of the night and you have a crying hysterical sister on the other end telling you to rush to the hospital where the doctors are trying to save your father.

He is doing fine now and out of the hospital but that hellish week still lingers in my mind and I cannot help but be emotional as I think of the man who has been a large influence and inspiration to my life. Those who are close to me know how I am such a daddy’s girl. But, like all families around the world, my dad and I have had our share of spats and arguments. It is a sad thing but the reality is, things are not what they used to be between my dad and myself.

Watching him lie on his hospital bed made me recall specific father-daughter times that I have kept locked in my collection of treasured memories.

Tatay- (Filipino term for Dad)

Remember that time when I was in college when a creepy man in a car followed me as I walked to the bus station, asking me to ride with him in his car. You walked me to the bus station everyday after that until I told you I was fine walking by myself again.

Remember that time when mommy said I couldn’t have a boyfriend until I graduated from college? You came over and whispered to me that you were ok with me having a boyfriend after I have turned 18 and winked at me conspiratorially.

Remember that time I was in the US, working, far from the whole family, and something bad had happened but I couldn’t go home? You had sent me snail mail. The letter was several pages long in your cursive handwriting.  You had sent me a reassuring and comforting letter, full of strength and wisdom. I held on to it and your words kept me sane the last 2 months of my time abroad.

Remember that time I told you I was pregnant with my then boyfriend? You just hugged me tight. I was soo scared to tell you before that so I waited for so long. You had no harsh words for me and that was what I needed desperately at that time.

Remember our song? I had discovered Bob Carlisle while I was in the US and fell in love with his song "Butterfly Kisses". I get teary eyed every time I listen to it. I had always dreamed that the song was ours and the story would be. My own ceremony turned out differently than the song described but that’s for another post. I even bought a book of pictures that translated the song and sent it to you across the seas. I know you still have it. I still listen to it a lot and it is still one of my favorite songs of all time.

Let me share with you why Butterfly kisses touches my heart:

There’s two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven and she’s
daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it’s my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I’ve done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She’s looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don’t mind I’m only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I’ve done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She’ll change her name today.
She’ll make a promise and I’ll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I’m thinking and I said "I’m not
sure-I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl."
She leaned over…gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it’s just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don’t cry!"

Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn’t ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I’ll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.