In a few days it will be Father’s day. I feel there isn’t much of a hulabaloo about this day than what usually happens with Mother’s day. I wonder why?

I have been celebrating my father on Father’s day for years. Now I am celebrating two fathers, my husband included.

And on this year’s Father’s day I celebrate the following about my father:

• Unlimited patience
• Extensive knowledge
• Strong will
• Devotion
• Faith

I celebrate the following about my husband - on his being the father to my youngest son:

• Deep love
• Loyalty
• Strong will
• Firm
• Soft (although contradicting to the previous bullet)
• Ambitious

Notice that I just sort of listed them out. I wanted to put some more detail and kind of give justice to why I feel they each have these qualities. But I must confess, I will turn into an emotional mush if I did. Just trying to conjure up all the memories that I have of these two men in my life is enough to bring on the flood of tears (of joy).

I love them both equally yet differently. And although they see differently, the one thing they can bank on is my bottomless love for the both of them.

The school year has officially opened this week for me and my eldest son. He is on his second year of school and is currently in the nursery level.

I remember last year when I spent the whole first week of school with him, staying inside the classroom and watching him as he interacted with the other kids, chatting with the other mothers there. I felt so emotional that time because I realized how my son has grown.

I also recall how frantic I was summer of last year trying to determine what school to place my kid into. I cruised around the neighborhood, visiting the nearby pre-schools. I asked my cousins, friends, acquaintances. I searched the DepEd site too as I wanted to ensure that the school I chose was accredited and not some hocus-pocus institution. In the end, it was through the recommendation of my yaya that I found what I felt was the best school for my child.

Here are the things I watched out for in my quest for my kid’s school:

• Should be near our home. Should either be walking distance or or reachable without much inconvenience by public transport (i.e. 1 tricycle ride)
• Should have a small teacher-student ratio. My preference was 8-10 students. I mean 3-year olds are very difficult to manage, and they still need close supervision. How can that be achieved if the class has a population of 30 kids?
• The school should have an acceptable payment plan for tuition fees.
• The school should be transparent on where the fees to be paid will go - no miscellaneous fees of considerable amount (say P2K) with no accounting of where it will be spent for.
• The classrooms should be spacious, with enough room to play and run around a bit.
• The school should have a playground - even a small one.
• The teacher/s should be enthusiastic. I cannot have some grumpy old teacher taking his/her frustrations on my kid.
• Lastly - the principal should be enthusiastic and devoted to kids as well. I do not feel comfortable having a Miss Tapia (stereotype) run the school where I will leave my kid to stay and learn even if it is just for 3 hours.

I am happy that my kid’s pre-school satisfy all of the above and I’ll bet I will have the same challenges once my kid goes on to gradeschool. Thankfully that’s a few years in the future.

Do you want this guy frowning on your child?

When you have young kids, you always seem to find yourself going to the malls, visiting toy stores or the kids section at your local department store. Many malls already have places where the kids can play video games or play bowling, basketball, or catch a prize. Timezone is a famous place that I bet many kids will recognize. Another place I recall is dreamscape which is located in Robinson’s Galleria.

Tiendesitas was put up a couple of years ago and it instantly became a place you could bring your children to. It was child-friendly mostly because of the large Pet section they have.

And then they opened the Fun Ranch. Its basically a place for kids and all kids. It has food carts that sell kiddie goodies, bump cars, carousel, video games, restaurants, salon, cake shop, and other services that cater to kids.

Parents can also reserve a place to hold their children’s birthday parties. Truly it is the dreamland for all kids. One more plus is that it is a few steps away from the Tiendesitas tiangge so mothers and aunts who wish to go shopping after can.

The downside I see is that the place is considerably expensive compared to timezone and dreamscape which offer most of the same services. However, grandma (my mom) was all too willing to shell out any amount just so her grandchildren get to have fun.

Next time you are thinking about a place to bring your kids, drop by the Fun Ranch. It is still a fun place to be.

Updated:
Fun Ranch - http://www.funranch.com.ph/
Frontera Verde, Ortigas Ave.
Corner Libis, QC.
Tel. No: 706-30-29 and 706-3031

Marie Claire magazine featured an article in its May 2007 edition about a certain mother’s club that exists in Japan. This club supposedly is composed of mothers within a community. Membership to the club is believed to be essential to one’s child’s success in school and in the community with regards to access to opportunity. Apparently, membership comes with opened doors to good schools and good services. Much like being in a high school clique.

It is a difficult task to get accepted into the club. One must be deemed acceptable by the members of the club and especially approved by the boss mom. One’s manners, clothes, income, friends, way of life is scrutinized and judged. Once a member, mothers have to behave, dress, walk, talk, and live according to the club’s defined standards which are mostly dependent on the club’s boss mom. Going against the group is social suicide.

Which is why many mothers are pressured into doing things they normally would not do just to be accepted to such an exclusive organization. Many would kill just to belong. Which is what happened one school day for two schoolchildren in Japan - Wakana Takemoto and Jin Sano, both aged five. Their classmate’s mother was supposed to drive them to kindergarten class but later on was killed by the same mother. And this is because the “mother’s club” failed to accept her for reasons we could only surmise.

It is sad how such things could lead to depression and eventually murder. It is sadder to think that truly the victims are the children who are very young to understand such pressures that their parents have to contend with.

This kind of clique is not exclusive to Japan. It exists in many communities around the world. It exists here in our country, maybe not as evident but then it does exist and we as responsible parents should ensure that we take care not to get our children entangled in such adult intricacies.

After all, they are the future - we should ensure they live to enjoy it.

I am part of the organization of working mom’s at our office and many times I would receive how-to’s, where-to’s, and invites to parenting talks and seminars. A few days back a fellow mom forwarded an article she wrote about her daughter which was published in the office newsletter. I asked permission from her and here I am sharing it with you.

THE FIVE-PESO COIN by Judilyn Lorenzo
The guilty feeling of a working mother requires tremendous patience or, should I say, tolerance to a strong-willed kid. In most situations, leniency compensates for the time that mothers should spend with their children but cannot. Most working moms try to be extra-patient, extra-sweet, and extra-caring when they are with their children. For them, spending at least 48 hours a week with their children should be precious and worthwhile. And, sometimes, the child’s annoying behavior disrupts a mother’s character because of this “working-mom guilt”. But not this time.

One Saturday morning, my 3-year old daughter eagerly asked me for 20 pesos. I wondered why so I asked her for the reason. She said that she would want to buy a hair-coloring cream so she could be like Sabina (of Majika; she’s a fanatic of this show). Of course, I refused; I didn’t like the way she asked money from me. Besides, the idea of hair-coloring, not to mention the cost, was, I think, not right for her age. When I said “no”, as expected, she insisted and cried. She kept on crying (for about 15 minutes I guess), but I was firm with my decision.

I was already irritated but then, the heart of a guilty mother reigned in me; I thought that I should give her happy moments if and when we’re together. Well, with a concerned but displeased heart, I didn’t give her the 20 pesos she wanted but instead gave her a 5-peso coin (which, I thought, was the right amount for her age). Of course, she did not accept the 5-peso coin. She defended that she will buy hair-coloring and 5 pesos was not enough. I was really pissed off but I have to show her that I still care and still love her despite of my absences and shortcomings. I was also sad and disappointed at that very moment. I asked myself if this is the price I have to pay for being away from her most of the time. I felt that I was accountable for her behaving like that. It’s my duty to guide her all the time. (God knows I don’t like this if only I have a choice, but I have to work!). With a gloomy feeling, I got a 20-peso bill from my wallet and, with the 5-peso coin on one hand, I told her, “Okay, if you love and miss Mommy, you will get the 5-peso coin. But, if not and if you really want your hair to be colored, get the 20-peso bill.”

Silence. No words came out from her. I could see confusion in her eyes. I didn’t know what came to my mind at that moment, putting my daughter under pressure and asking her to compromise. I didn’t want to put her in that position all confused. I only meant to find out how significant I was to her. I knew I could get hurt with her response; it will just justify my lapses and shortcomings to her as a mother.

Her stubborn look disappeared and was replaced by one of submission. With tears in her eyes, she slowly took the 5-peso coin on my right hand. I saw in her face how sorry she was. With conviction, I embraced her. And she embraced me too. I was teary-eyed when I released her. I know my imperfections but God! My 3-year old daughter still loves and respects me even though I am not with her most of the time. And, for an “absentee” mother, that’s truly a blessing. For that, I am so thankful that I am still the mother I thought I was not.

To my delight, I gave her the 20-peso bill instead of the 5-peso coin. After all, Sabina is a good character and I don’t mind if she imitates her. Now, you will see my daughter with her hair colored and it looks beautiful on her. I am even considering doing it for myself. Hmmmm.

I only now realize that no matter how tired we are from working, it is even more tiring to know that we are just “half-mothers” to our children. But I am grateful though for I am still my daughter’s Mommy.

I was touched by her story being a half-mother myself. In today’s world, it isnt uncommon for mothers to hold full time careers which carry full time responsibilities.. or more. The age where mothers stay at home to just take care of the house, the husband and the kids is starting to become just a page in history. The downside to that though is that you spend less time with your kids.

I wish I could be a full time mom. However, I have two kids and with the comfortable life I hope for them, and the increasing cost of living, I have to earn my share of the household income.

When I had my eldest, I was very much afraid that the little time I spent with him (because of work) was somehow going to majorly affect how he grows up. Then I recall that both my parents were working and I turned out fine. WIth this in mind, I just did my best with him.

Now he is 4 years old. Aside from a phase where he clung to his yaya and ran away from me, now I am happy to say that he loves me and needs me and recognizes me. My mom said that no matter what happens, your kids will remember their mother’s smell. My mom was right!

Its an ongoing struggle to be a working mom. The conflicts, the pains, the compromises, the struggles do not come once, or twice or even several times. Working moms experience all these every second of the day that they spend apart from their kids. I should know - I go through my conflicts everyday.

Here’s to all working moms!

Yep you read right. This post is about cooking with your baby.
I was furious today after hearing about a 19-year old father who put his two month old baby girl in the microwave. Initially, I thought I heard wrong. But it turned out to be true. In Texas, one very young father just happened to microwave his kid for 20 seconds. Why? Apparently he could not handle the demands of caring for such a young child. The kid sustained third degree burns and if you have a two month old - you would probably be able to imagine what that would look like on very delicate skin.

The guy faced 99 years of prison time. I say that is a blessing. The best thing was to microwave him for ten times the time he used on his kid. What kind of sick mind did this dude have? His own kid! Tsk tsk.

Related article: on Sunday Times.