The Joy Luck Club movie was showing today at Star Movies. This is one of my favorite movies as it tells of the stories of four Chinese women and their American-born daughters. It shows the conflicts between mother and daughter as the mother tries to forget the past and the daughter tries to cope with the present.

As I watch it now, I can’t help but recall how similar my life (and I am sure yours as well) and relationship was with my own mother. Watching from the sidelines suddenly gives me that insight into how my mom felt during those times when we were at war with each other.

And I guess that is why this movie touches me so much. So what movie is your life like?

5:00 AM Wake up Hubby

5:05 AM Go back to sleep

6:00 AM Wake up and get out of bed

6:15 AM Drink coffee and watch the Unang Hirit (early morning news)

6:30 AM Kiss Hubby goodbye and take a bath

7:00 AM Dress up and put on makeup

7:20 AM Give instructions to yaya for dinner and other errands to be done around the house

7:30 AM Kiss the kids goodbye and walk to the shuttle terminal

7:35 AM Fall in line to wait for the next shuttle

7:45 AM Finally getting a ride

8:15 AM Badge in at the office

8:30 AM Start meeting with clients

11:00 AM End meeting with clients and start reading emails

12:00 PM Microwave my packed lunch

12:10 PM Eat lunch at my desk while reading more emails

12:30 PM Work and more work

4:00 PM Hubby texts to remind me of pick up time

4:05 PM Go back to work and more work

5:30 PM Hubby texts to say he is on his way to pick me up

5:35 PM Shuts down laptop and gives out last minute instructions to my team

5:45 PM Rides the elevator to the lobby to wait for hubby

5:50 PM Hubby arrives in red Ferrari (I wish!)

6:30 PM Arrives home to hugs and kisses from the kids

6:35 PM Get out of office clothes and remove makeup

6:40 PM Check on dinner and bring Hubby some ice cold drink

6:45 PM Play time with the kids

7:30 PM Eat dinner with the family

8:15 PM Play time with the kids

8:45 PM Plan for or cook Hubby’s lunch the next day

9:00 PM Kiss the kids goodnight

9:10 PM Open laptop and login to start work and take some calls

10:30 PM Check blogs and go bloghopping

11:00 PM Shutdown laptop, lock the doors and turn off the lights

11:15 PM Prepare outfits for the next day

11:30 PM Snore

The schedule above depicts a normal day… without issues or conflicts that need to be addressed. These are the days when everyone is happy and agreeable and all your gadgets and home appliances are working. Imagine what happens when your kid has a stomach ache or one has a tantrum… or your husband is suddenly sick and cannot drive or when work needs you on site past 5:30PM.

So what is YOUR day like?

I am rarely surprised at the capability of some people to be cruel and abusive. This is the reality and we must deal with it. If you get too close to it then you must do what you can to deal with it. Personally, I would like to protect my family from such an environment.

This evening I watched something in ABS-CBN’s show XXX that made me want to puke. The show featured an entrapment operation on a place that was running an internet p*rn site. Nothing really new to me as I have read about similar places in the news. But this time it was different. A 6-year old girl was made to bare her innocence in front of the webcam to clients from all over the world. Its bad enough how under-aged girls (14 to 16 years old) are made to roam the streets in skimpy outfits along P. Burgos in Makati, now they have to turn to much younger six year olds to abuse online.

I wanted to strangle the owner of the place - a woman who happened to adopt the kid when she was still a baby. I hate to think they adopted her only to make money out of her innocence.

Grrr… what are these people thinking?

How many children do you really want? If money, space, and time were no object, how many children would you want to have?

I have always felt that the ideal was to have one boy and one girl child in the family. For many years, I harbored a strong desire to be blessed with a girl. In fact, we all thought (my OB-Gyne included) that my eldest would be a girl - after 3 ultrasounds confirmed it. I had a name and a plan which was shattered when I was presented with a baby boy while I was strapped at the table in the hospital’s delivery room. I must confess that my first reaction was more - huh? I know I have a girl - than the delayed happiness I truly felt.

Two and a half years later saw me delivering another boy. I was ecstatic… and happy… and still yearning to have a girl to call my own. Am I being selfish to want it so much? Am I ready to have another baby… even someone could guarantee this time it would be a girl?

These are the questions I ask myself every time I find myself musing about little girly steps…

Will another child affect my lifestyle? I can only say - Yes of course! Two lovable but active boys already take up too much of my time. I cannot imagine where I will get the time or energy to go through caring for a newborn baby without sacrificing time with my boys… not to mention my husband… and of course I still have my office job.

Can we afford it? Its a difficult question to answer without sounding too materialistic because in all honesty, I would give life and limb to make sure my family lives comfortably. But if I really really think about it… I do not think both my and my hubby’s income can afford the rent, food, and education of our two kids plus another one.

Am I still physically fit to have another one? I will be quick to say yes but my hubby may beg to disagree. I would like to think that I am still physically fit to run around with my two boys while I live without sleep caring for a newborn child. I shudder at the thought of dark circles around my eyes and wobbly knees. It might mean I have to change the vitamins I have been taking to something that would help me last the day without falling flat on my face.

Does your partner agree to having another child? Uhh… If I were to say out loud that I would like to have a girl, the answer to that question would be a flat out NO. If I can guarantee 110% that the next one would be a boy then he might not be too grouchy about it. Don’t take it the wrong way, my hubby loves kids… he is just too afraid to have girls. He is haunted by nightmares of boys trying to take advantage of his would-be child. It might just drive him mad. Harhar. What a thought.

So there… once in a while I look longingly at my friend’s little girls and wish I had one of my own. Am I just being selfish?  

I was tagged by Joni for Mother’s day.

The rules are simple: (1) Post a photo of you and your mom together (recent or old) and write the words “I heart my mom” across it (or type the text below the photo if you don’t feel like opening your image-editing software). (2) Tag your friends!

The thing is - and you may laugh at me - I haven’t got a picture of my mom and myself! At least not a softcopy of it. I have tons of pictures of my mom, myself, my mom with my kids, my mom and dad but not one with my mom and me. I have many printed pictures of my mom and me - we had tons when she visited me in the states - but I do not have a scanner so I am unable to scan and post those online. (I am starting to believe I really need a scanner).

And because I want to participate in this, I am instead posting a picture of my mom and my eldest son taken a couple of years ago.

I love my mom and I know she loves me and my kids. She has gone through a lot of difficulties with me and heartaches caused by me but despite that, she has remained by my side always. We may not always see eye-to-eye but we both love each other a lot. Love ya mommy! The kids love you too!

Happy mother’s day to all moms like me (and dads too!)! analyse, andrea, christianne, inkblots, jane, kongkong622, MegaMom, mitchteryosa, mixednuts, MM del Rosario, mommyhoodmoments, patty, raqgold, rufflebutts, Dette, kim…

Ok! I confess… I have a lot of weird and unnecessary fears and phobia. One major fear I have since I was a kid is my fear of the dark. I remember how I used to pester my sisters and older brother by passing on to them chores my mom asked me to do if it meant I would have to go into a dark room or to the back of the house where there is no light. I was my siblings pain in the *tt because I often woke them up in the middle of the night to accompany me to the bathroom when I feel like peeing. Just between us… my husband now feels the same way. Hehe.

Through the years, I picked up several more fears. Fear of slimy slithery animals, fear (or is it dislike) of dogs, fear of crowds, fear of strange men… among others. In many instances my reaction to certain animals, people, movies and sounds are witnessed by my kids. Most of the time I wonder if I ever had a hand in what they fear now. My eldest son is afraid of thunder that just today he kept crying until the rain and eventually the thunder stopped.

I wouldn’t want to cause such negativity in my kids upbringing. I am sure they will come out with their own fears but they do not have to get them from me. Each time I feel like cringing at the sight of our neighbors large Saint Bernard, I swallow and look away instead. Sometimes I freeze. Mostly I just stiffen up. But I am concerned more about influencing my kids than my own phobia. Besides, THAT dog will not dare eat me right?