Mother of 2

I have often read about topics delving into the middle child syndrome. Apparently, a child in belonging to this birth order exhibits such unique and interesting behavior that a title has been given to it.

I wonder why I rarely (or never) hear about being the older child. I don’t necessarily mean eldest child, but older child. I feel that anyone who has a younger sibling will experience a sort of older child syndrome.

When I was young, I recall constant reminders to be the better sibling, just because I was older, bigger and presumably wiser. I witness the same being said by many other parents to their kids. I used to recall hating it. I hated and resented having to be the older child. I wanted to play, demand, run around, be immature, roll in the mud and not be reprimanded for it. I did not want to be the role model for my younger sisters. I wanted to fight back when they teased me and pinched me. I wanted to be a kid and not an adult.

Its funny because now that I am a mother of two, I observe that I am guilty of doing the same thing to my kids. I don’t think that children should fall under any syndrome middle, older or otherwise so every time I notice myself saying things like - "let him have be, he is younger than you", or "don’t fight back, he is younger and doesn’t know what he is doing" - I check myself and try to say something that would make more sense to my kids than justifying an action just because of age or birth order.

I want my kids to grow up strong, independent, willful, kind but no doormat. These days when size or age is no longer an issue, I find it so wrong to bring up a child thinking he owes something to people just because of these two factors.

What do you think?

I don’t mean investing in terms of financial security, I mean, investing in your child’s well being, which to me is really more important.

I have always been told that experience is the best teacher and obstacles aim to strengthen a person who can and break those who can’t. Personally, I can attest to that as I think that it is because of the events that occurred in my life, I am who I am today (and I am not that bad… hehe). Isn’t that the reason we hate spoiled brats? We love to hate those who don’t lift a finger even if it meant saving their life and I for one truly believe that those who have such an easy life are less prepared to handle the real world and its cruelty.

About five years ago, my parents confessed that somehow they knew I would not have an easy life. They watched me grow up trying to swallow all the pains without complaints. They watched as I now watch my darling son look at me deeply each time I scold him for doing something he is not supposed to do. I want to hug him but I hold back because I want him to know how serious it is for him to learn how to do as he is being told. It is later on that I engulf him in kisses and hugs.

I know a lot of people from my childhood who always got away with being cruel just because their parents got exasperated, frustrated and lost their patience with the constant reminders to their kids to be good. I always wondered why my parents would not let up on me. They wanted to teach me a lesson and I did.

Being a mother (and wife) is the hardest role one has to play in life so adding teacher to that increases the challenge. Not everyone is strong enough or has the patience to teach but all parents have to endure. Seeing your child grow up to become a good person is the reward for the blood, sweat and tears you have to give up for your child.

Of course I want an easier life for my kids. But I also want what is best for them. So no, I will not deprive them of the tears or the heartbreak. I can only be there to wipe it away, hug them, comfort them and make them feel that whatever happens, they will always be safe with me.

Do you overindulge your children?

2008 was a full and challenging year for me as a mother and parent. There were a lot of changes, events and decisions that had to be made that made life too real where the effects hit too close for comfort. I know that I made mistakes here and there but still feel that I managed to recover a wiser woman. So I welcome this new year with a clear mind and an open heart.

I realized that no daily planner, or blackberry or even alarm clock can prepare you for anything that suddenly decides to disrupt your life. This is especially true if you fill up your calendar to the brink and leave no room for contingency.

Following that thought, is my realization that practicing juggling your mommy tasks for a year will never result in increasing the length of time between 9 am and 12 noon. Not when you have to buy the kids their school stuff, buy some new socks (so you can throw out your hubby’s old ones), go to the grocery to stock up on supplies for the week, pay bills, find some gaming cards (for your hubby still), all the while holding on to your five year old and two year old as they pull you in different directions, and then drive home in time to cook some lunch for the family. Whew! I must have tried to do that all weekends of 2008 but until the last time, I never quite made it to lunch.

But then I realized that despite the difficulties of stringing along two hyper boys anywhere and everywhere, I will still never choose to leave them behind. And you can only hope that you learn to extend your patience a little bit more each time.

It is important to note that I would not have made it through the year alive if not for the help of my two nannies (oh yeah I have one for each kid). I would also mention my husband and my family but that would have been too cliche. My yayas have been there everyday with me for the past few years and a lot of my sanity has been kept intact because they ran with me, cleaned and cooked with me, kissed wounded knees with me, made sure no one disturbed me while I’m having my 5-minute bath (a.k.a personal time) and became more valuable to me as reminders more so than anything I have in my laptop.

I have never been happier than whenever I witness my kids doing something new or saying something witty that would totally surprise me. The way my little one would say "Go to mommy cat!" to the cats that would stray into our yard. Or when Kuya would tell me, "Mommy can I help you clean?".

I think that the year was successful in proving to me that I spread myself too thin. There were too many missed deadlines, missed dinners and missed activities. So this year, my resolutions will focus only on my priorities. And my priorities start with my family.

How will you kick off your new year?